Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Wednesday Night Ritual

My friend Bruce is my best friend and he's a little... weird. Let's say he's not gripping the towelrack with both hands, you know what I mean? Here is a poem based on a letter I got from him a while back.

Wednesday Night Ritual

Dear Eugenie,
---(he always called me Eugenie)---

It is
another Wednes-
day
nigh-
t
and I'm feeling

it.

I have a Wednesday
Night
Ritual...

Pre-
cise-
ly

at 9:02 p.m.

mountain time

(I am not in the mountains)

I turn on
my t.v.
to Headline News.

I then walk to the kitchen
and place a half-empty

plastic squeeze
bottle of
ketchup

into
the
micro-

wave.

I warm it up
for at least
2
min-
utes.

Whilst I wait
for the
*bing!*
of my microwave

I grease my hands
with baby oil
and
furiously masturbate
to
whomever
is
on
my t.
v.

screen.

*bing*

I run to the microwave

---(at this point, I felt I should stop reading
Bruce's letter
but I persevered...)---


while lubing up my backside
with the baby oil

while standing in the kitchen
with the curtains

open

I
grab
the squeeze bottle
and
jam
it
up
my
ass.

I then yell

"GERONIMO!"

And with all my might

I squeeze the ketchup bottle

shooting its hot contents

into
my
colon.

It is then 9:06 p.m.

I am
ready

for

bed.

3 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

That may be the most sickening thing I've ever read.

So the next day, does your buddy Bruce pretend he's shitting blood or something?

And why does he shout "Geronimo?" Does he like Indians?

January 24, 2006  
Blogger Eugene's Wife said...

I had NO IDEA!

And you let Bruce babysit our CHILDREN!

January 24, 2006  
Blogger In verse said...

quite a different kind of sexuality!

bizarre! grotesque! disturbing!

needs a bit of reshaping.

January 25, 2006  

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