Wednesday, January 25, 2006

My Dog Eugene

It was a good day today. My emotional intelligence was so...hot, so...throbbing that I had to release buttery white wine all over myself several times already, and it's not even 2:00 yet! I'm just so fucking emotionally intelligent. I've got a poem I'd like to share with you. It's about my dog, also named Eugene. I was originally going to call it "Tossing My Dog's Hairy Salad," but I decided it wasn't appropriate, so I shall just name it, "My Dog Eugene."

My Dog Eugene

Eugene and I
have
a very special
relationship.

It could be
because we share

a name,

but it's more likely
that we share more
than just a name.

Much

more.
Every day,
I take him
for his late
afternoon

"walk"

in the park.

After he's finished
his business,

we

go behind
this huge oak tree
in the

middle

of the park.

Then, when nobody's looking,
I kneel down,
grab his little doggy pecker,

and spank

it for all it's worth.

"woof woof woof"

goes Eugene.
After I finish
whipping
his little doggy weasel,
I wipe
my hands on the bark

and take him home.

My wife gives me a kiss
and Eugene a pat on the head,
and then
I help her make dinner
with dirty,

dog-spooged

hands.

Towelrack.

6 Comments:

Blogger The REAL Eugene said...

Stop this obscenity immediately! What have you DONE to my poetry blog?

January 25, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"I wipe
my hands on the bark" is an interesting line. It shows that the character, "Eugene," is driven by the dog's vocal approval.

It also shows that you are the sickest of all fucks and you should get hate mail that reads, in part, "you suck and here's why."

January 25, 2006  
Blogger Eugene said...

Thank you for your wonderful comments, so chock-FULL of emotional intelligence! There's nothing that makes me feel better than knowing that others are enjoying my fruits. The fruits of my EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE.

January 25, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Let's hear more about Lake Vajisnatch, EUgene.

January 26, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Is it wrong to say that this poem kind of scares me shitless?

January 26, 2006  
Blogger Eugene said...

In what way are you frightened by a poem about me spanking the doggy's monkey?

January 26, 2006  

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